“I Was Not Silenced By The Darkness”

Another transparent post… Hoping this helps someone.
Confession… I’m not proud of it but it happened… in the past two-and-one-half years, I’ve been bitter with God. Bitter with Christians. Bitter with the church. There have been Sundays when although I was sitting in church… I had a very difficult time worshiping. It’s not that I didn’t believe in God.. I do. That’s a no-brainer to me… God exists.
I was bitter with Christians and since Christians make up the church, I was bitter with the church. There were Sundays when I made myself go to church. I didn’t want to.. but Holli would remind me we needed to go and we did.
Why did I feel this way? We were going through some adversity. And honestly, I flunked. I did not handle it well. During this time I thought, “I can see how people can get bitter with God… how people can become bitter with the church..” I still believed in God.. I knew God loved me… but I was still hurting. But, the Lord and my wife and some friends would remind me that God was still on the throne… God loves me… and God cares for me.
Again, I didn’t handle my adversity well. I wish I had been more like Job. In Job 23:17, Job said, “But I am not silenced by the darkness, nor deep gloom that covers me…”
I admit… for a while, I was silenced by the darkness. But, slowly… the Holy Spirit began working in my heart to fill my soul with light rather than darkness.
What about you today? Is your soul filled with darkness? Are you having trouble believing? Do you want to stay home on Sunday instead of worshiping? I understand. I’ve been there. But, I know this… I do not always understand why things happen… I do not understand suffering… I do not understand why some folks seem to suffer more than others… But, I know that God exists. I know that God loves. God may not answer all our prayers immediately. God may not eliminate our suffering. God may give us the strength to deal with it.
But, let’s try to cling to the faith that Job had… and not be silenced by the darkness…

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